here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize