I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
