I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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