your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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