Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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