I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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