Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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