I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
