Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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