I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
