last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
