well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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