Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
