i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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