Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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