Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
