wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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