Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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