Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
