i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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