kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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