Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
