Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
