Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize