I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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