y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
3pm strippers are depressing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I party with great urgency now.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
