Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
