My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize