Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
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