at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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