how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize