I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize