I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm really busy with my period
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