her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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