If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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