If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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