We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Im part way to drunk.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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