True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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