you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
