I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
