So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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