A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude i'm inner monologue high
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
