I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
