Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
