I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
