Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
