4 words: hood of his car
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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