Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
