the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
