someone threw a dead crab at me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The beer is more important than you right now.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
