Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
