She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
