It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
