God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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