shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
