Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
