420 ftw
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Panties = found
Randomize
