when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
