He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize