My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
