I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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