then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
