ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize