Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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