my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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