u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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