I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just tell him i said nine months
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
