I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
