I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
