she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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