I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
