so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
