In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize